


A Day in the Life of a Strider Girl

by PFDiva



Series: Theta Kids [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Kidswap, Kinda Weird, Lifebend?, idefk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PFDiva/pseuds/PFDiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Rose Strider and Dave Lalonde?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Day in the Life of a Strider Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post](http://deliverusfromsburb.tumblr.com/post/40556363905/the-irony-is-that-bro-and-mom-were-both-wildly)

"Hey Strider, you'll never guess what I just got."

"Dave, I don't care what your mother has given you THIS time.  I just.  Don't.  Fucking.  Care."

"C'mon, Rose, GUESS."

"It's either a pony or something camera-related.  Still don't care."

"It's a new lens for my--hey, how did you know?"

"Lalonde.  You only have about three interests."

"Shut up."

"Stop sulking, Dave, it's not cute."

Your name is Rose Strider, and while your friend Dave probably has every right to be really fucking excited, you were just getting on the internet to research truly ridiculous phallic words to describe a wizard's wand so that you can update your webstory.

Your pesterchum automatically signed itself in, and now you have to deal with Dave Lalonde, AKA, the most spoiled nerd in the world.  He's a sweet kid, but jesusfuck, life is not that exciting.

You will admit, in the privacy of your own head, that he is a pretty decent photographer, but never to him.  He's already got his rich science mom to frame all his shit and strongarm galleries into showing his stuff.

Some of his pictures are pictures of his framed pictures.  It's the kind of recursive ironic bullshit Bro would hurt something laughing about.

Thinking of Bro, you check in on his latest comics to see what he thinks of your latest chapters.  Blah blah, game stuff, blah blah, bullshit, and oooh, there's Kahru, the sugoi anime wizard.  Even though the name's been shittily translated into Japanese and then back, you know Kahru(Cal) is meant to represent all of your characters, not just the one he's named after.

Kahru's crying because nobody listens to him and everything is dying and oh, the world is ending.  A platter of ham falls on his head, killing him.  Bro approves of the death of the head wizard.  You'll have to bring him back as a ghost, if at all possible.

Your Pesterchum chimes, and there's multiple images from Dave.  His latest work, you suppose.  You look at a few pictures.  His mom musta gotten a new wizard statue, because that's what they're all of.

You tell Dave he's full of existential angst that must be tended to by an unraveling load of bullshit you got from a psychology article you know Bro left open on his computer for you to read and enjoy.

Psychology is a fun way to call people on their bullshit and to distract them from your own.

Something hard lands on your head, floppy arms draped around your shoulders.  You kiss Lil Cal's hand like a right fucking gentleman and then ignore him for a moment while you tell Dave you're gonna go strife Bro.  Dave has yet to catch on that you and Bro always strife before dinner, but you don't blame him for being a bit slow on the uptake.

You pull Lil Cal off your head and carry him up to the roof.  You've already got your needle-thin daggers armed to your strife deck.  When you get to the roof, you throw Cal to the wind, and are unsurprised when he comes to life as Bro uses him to kick your ass.

When you make it back down to the apartment, Bro's inspecting a pizza menu.  You make a disdainful noise at him, and he shows you that it's the place with rib tips and burgers.

You demand chocolate cheesecake and corned beef, which they also sell, and which he naturally mocks you for.

"I will bleed on your face."

Though you're scraped up and bruised, you aren't threatening him with THAT blood.  He rolls his eyes and chucks a box at your face. You easily catch it.  You should have known he'd notice you were almost out of tampons. You have the best brother.

You go handle your business in the bathroom, consider the merits of the detachable showerhead, then decide to save that for after you eat.  A girl's gotta have SOMETHING to look forward to, right?

You meet your own gaze in the mirror and decide once again that you love your Squiddle shades with the purple border SO much more than the pointy anime shades Bro forced you to wear until you got this pair from Jade. They were a birthday gift.  You know Bro appreciates the irony of Squiddles as much as you do.  Because he's awesome.

Bro's on his computer when you get back out, so you flop on the futon and play some Mad Snacks.  Stupid fucking game, but it's a way to pass the time.  You and Bro both pretend the electric heating pad you find on the back of the futon ten minutes later was always there, and you reposition it so that it actually does you some good. Lulled by the monotony of the game, menstruation-induced fatigue, and the soothing warmth of the heating pad, you fall asleep on the futon.

You awaken about an hour later to the smell of food and the sounds of Bro playing Mad Snacks over your head.  You sit up, moving out of his way to inspect your haul, and fuck you love your brother.

He bought you chocolate cheesecake and strawberry cheesecake and oreo cheesecake and three chocolate chunk cookies to go with your corned beef sandwich.

He calls you a porker when you eat it all and you obligingly oink for him, because that kind of consideration deserves an oink or two.  You commandeer his computer when you finish, and as you suspected, his smuppet site is doing really well this month.

You open some pages on ereaders in his feeds, troll his comics, then go back to your room.  Dave's probably gotten over his vapors about you strifing your bro for funzies, and he might actually be worth talking to, now.


End file.
